You’ll Get Over It

How is a kid supposed to deal with life’s Big Deals?

A Model

Grandma was my caretaker when Mother went to work. Grandma loved a good joke. She didn’t much like whining. “You’ll get over it,” was her response when my sister made me cry or when she kissed a scraped knee.

Grandma didn’t tell me how I would get over it. That was the main problem when it came to the Big Deals, like riding a train across two states to see my dad for a long summer visit. Can’t wait to see him lived with What sort of monsters ride trains? I was six, my sister was nine. I slept most of the way.

History Repeats

Now it’s Ronan’s turn, and I am Grandma. When he complains, my automatic response is : “You’ll get over it.” His mom and dad are divorced, too. He is thirteen, so he has complicated thoughts. I think he needs more nuance from me, but I’m at a loss for words.

He tells me wistful memories of places he used to live: the first house with Mom and Dad together, Dad’s apartment, then Dad’s house. Each one is a favorite, a wish-I-was-still-there home. Dad’s house was supposed to be forever. That’s what he screamed at Dad when he found out they were going to move: “You said we’d never leave here!”

But recently, they did move into a home occupied by a mom he’ll come to call stepmom and her two daughters, who already introduce him to the neighborhood as a stepbrother.

When he tells me the new school is better than the old one, I cheer. One hurdle cleared. Whew. When he shares his sorrow on other days, I sigh along with him. When anxiety crosses his face, it means he doesn’t yet know what lies ahead (What monsters ride trains?).

My Take-away

I don’t have the words for him. It’s pointless to say that I’ve gotten over a thousand scary changes, and I’m OK. It’s little help to say “Cheer up,” or “Think of something else,” as if this is not a Big Deal.

So, maybe I’ll quietly give him my ear when he wants to share what it’s like to upend his life. And when it’s my turn to speak, I’ll give him my version of, “You’ll get over it.” After all, Grandma was right; I did. And he will, too.