This post is for White people. Many of us are reading about all that’s happened to people of color. We watch key movies and shake our heads. We want to know this part of our history, but we don’t know what to do with it.
In her book about cross-cultural relationships, Some of my Friends Are . . ., Deborah Plummer tells about a Black woman who was surprised to find out White people don’t talk about race every day. I was surprised to learn that Black people do. Every day. Why make that so important?
On second thought:
Of course Blacks think about race every day. The invented idea that there are races and therefore differences in human beings has dominated Black lives for as long as they have been in America. After slavery, segregation became national law until only recently. Separating citizens by skin color, with one side considered better than the other, led to two completely different experiences of what it means to be American. Whites got to continue thinking they were the People and to pay no attention to those Others. Blacks were reminded continuously that they were the Other. From the separations, stereotypes abounded.
Now when good White people learn about life on the other side, they become self conscious. Questions about their own identity pop up — What does it say about me? Were my ancestors bigots? How am I supposed to act?
The hardest lesson for us to learn is this: It is not about us.
A Black friend who teaches dance to children from many cultures tells me the key is to celebrate the other culture. Her students enjoy their differences. “It’s not just about what you can and cannot say,” she tells me. “It’s about celebrating each other’s ways.”
Dance with me, and forget about being you.
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