Does every white person feel guilty when they hear a story of enslavement? I hope not, because when they do, it can get in the way of being a friend to anyone who is not pure white.
Mark, a business man I know, had many Black friends as a child. He was the only White boy in Aurora Sundowners Track Club. He told me he is comfortable as an adult with people of color because he learned as a kid about their struggles. Just knowing led to his being natural among them. Knowing the stories meant knowing the people. The color of his own skin was irrelevant.
The problem with guilt is that it is self serving. Friendship is about the other person. Guilt is about yourself.
Until very recently, we Whites grew up in schools that failed to teach us what we needed to know. The school staff did not know. White educators were ignorant of American heros who were Black. There were inventors, scientists, teachers, literati and thinkers among them who benefited us and remained unseen to us. Are we Whites guilty for not knowing? A pointless question.
What if we met with our African American peers now in a spirit of curiosity instead of guilt? What if we decided it is okay to make mistakes in how we talk about these things, as long as our curiosity is genuine. What if we didn’t apologize or self-censor? What if we just talked and wondered aloud?
To become natural with people who are different from ourselves sounds easy when I listen to Mark. All it would take is learning their stories, their own American history. Guilt says we should have known, because we are somehow important. Curiosity says I want to know who you are, and how you overcame the hard parts you faced.
Can it finally be time in America to replace inherited guilt with genuine curiosity?
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