My early career as a psychotherapist was full of ‘Aha!’ moments. I remember the day I had the thought, If my name is on the door, I need to like every person who crosses that threshold looking for help” Next thought, Can I do that?
From then on I kept the question forefront. Can I like even the unlikeable? I wanted to learn how deep my empathic muscle could reach. Keep learning, was my instruction.
Some personalities come across as if they dare you to care. One woman I’ll call Sylvia had a deadpan way of insulting me. One day she advised me my outfit was not becoming. I should ditch that color. With that, she returned to her story about her inconsiderate husband. Another day, she told me I had mispronounced the word nuclear – more than once. If I was going to use the word, I should pronounce it correctly. Damned if she wasn’t right.
My Sylvia ‘Aha!’ moment arrived when I found myself in the emotional tsunami of my own divorce. At home I was using meditation to find mental places of calm. Deep in one trance I suddenly had an image of Sylvia. Something about her smile evoked the thought, I like her. And I did. She and I were fellow travelers on the human train of emotional discombobulation.
How freeing it was to see behind the off-putting behavior and into the vulnerable person. The troubles people inflict on us are not personal after all. If only I were Ghandi or Martin Luther King, Jr. and could see it every time.
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