I regret to tell you there is no way around it: the state of your backbone is related to the stockpile of your traumas. But not the way you think. It is in facing trauma that we develop our capacity to withstand life’s next blow. More trauma, more backbone.
I remember sitting with a relative who was sorting the treasures she was about to relinquish in a garage sale. Among them were antiques and paintings she had proudly collected over time. For years before this day she had debated whether to end her fractured marriage. Now the decision was made, and she was about to leave the country to start a new life and career in a land where she could better afford to live.
When I remarked on the courage that took, she looked me in the eye and said, “It wasn’t hard once I said to myself, it’s either babysit this stuff or find my happiness.” At every turn the future is unwritten. Betting on predictions is foolish, since the dice will roll according to their own odds. Instead, we must lean on our capabilities. If you don’t know what yours are, it’s time to find out. You can either babysit your treasured collection of fears or go in search of happiness. Troubling times are our open-sesame to the wisdom we haven’t yet tapped.
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